Day 2

Today's blog is going to be very simple, because today has been very simple.

Shane's oesophagitis has progressively gotten worse and today he started on TPN. TPN is a nutrition supplement that is given IV. This is to keep giving him essential nutrients that he is unable to eat. Shane is still eating some foods, but it hurts a lot now. They have also started him on Patient Controlled Analgaesia (PCA) which means he can press a button every five minutes to administer Fentanyl (a pain killer). This helps to keep him eating, drinking and swallowing. Shane also needs to do regular (more than four) mouth washes every day to keep everything clean to avoid infection.

Aside from the discomfort, there haven't been many other changes. His blood counts have progressively dropped, as expected, but they haven't yet completely bottomed out. He has a sexy husky voice, and he is a little low on energy (but a snuggle in his blankey seems to be working a treat!).

I guess my attitude in the blog may come as a surprise to you. It is a very heavy situation, but when you live with it everyday, it is hard to keep up that intensity. Don't get me wrong, we understand very clearly the risks involved in all this, and these risks stay in the forefront of each of our minds. But when we're living day to day, life around here is pretty boring.

We spend a lot of time on our arses watching TV and just talking shit. Thats why we can be creative about things like the names of the poles. Fun stuff makes you forget how serious the situation is, and it protects you from seeing, hearing and thinking about what else is going on around you.

Most of the time the families and friends of the people in 5C are really nice and ready for a chat, but occasionally you will see and hear things that you wish to forget. I will never forget the moment a young man passed away and one of his family members walked out of his room just as I was walking past. You could see the tears welling in his eyes as we made eye contact. You could see the pain clearly written all over his face, the incomprehension.

There are many moments like that around this ward. You really do have to protect yourself from it all, as we have our own battle to fight. There are great benefits of meeting others going through the same rough time as yourself, however there can be a very severe downside to it.

My sole focus though is on Shane, and what I need to do to keep him well physically, mentally and emotionally. Everything I do each day is with Shane in mind. It is focusing on the practical things that gets you by each and every day. You learn to not plan for the future and to live more in the moment (or in the television:).

xx